she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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