she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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