and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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