ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
wow bdsm is so cute
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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