What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
