So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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