Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
