Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
