things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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