Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
