Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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