There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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