Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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