do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
