tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Come share oat with me in your robe
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize