I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
