Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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