He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
