I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
