Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
