just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
