i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
