Can i not drive my cunt home
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
