she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
