This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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