I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
