We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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