i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
