Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
