New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
