I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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