I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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