I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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