if only i could text you this smell
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
