Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
