How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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