...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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