There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
