Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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