so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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