I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
