I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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