dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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