Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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