Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
