if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
