dude i'm inner monologue high
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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