he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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