She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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