i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
