I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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