started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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