Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
