So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
