I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
