Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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