im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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