I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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