so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
