Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
