i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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