Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
