Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
