We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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