She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize